Not While I'm Around

Once upon a time, I rescued an orange kitten from a dumpster where someone had left his litter. When people asked me his name, I said I didn't know yet because he didn't speak English and I didn't speak cat.

I should mention I was dating a stripper. Not “oh my gosh the stripper likes me,” but “I'm a dancer because I want to be a writer, and I can't afford college.” She's a journalist now, with less student debt than most, because she was able to dance.

Half Korean and half Irish, she was remarkable. I gave her maybe a hundred bucks' worth of one-dollar bills in the time that I knew her, but no real money. Owing to the hours she worked, we had lots of lunches and late nights at Waffle House, but no real dinners. That's when I’d read her work and discuss it. Being acknowledged for who she was is all she wanted from me. That's pretty easy to give.

Sometimes, she'd threaten to make me buy a sofa or a table dance as a joke. I told her that for girls I actually liked, that crossed all sorts of boundaries. If she wanted to get naked for me, she'd have to do it in a dark room where she kept her books on the nightstand.

For months, the kitten would only stop crying if I let it hide in my shirt pocket or bury its tiny face in My Hand. Many people face difficulties and struggle to get a good start in life. You never know what will make them feel safer or give them the confidence to keep trying, but it's worth looking for.

When I was a child, my best friend was named Tim. Tim suffered from crushing juvenile arthritis. He lived in constant pain. His parents had tried all sorts of things to alleviate it, but almost none of them worked.

They had what looked like an outboard motor that attached to the bathtub. When the pain got bad, they'd fill it with Epsom salts and hot water. Sometimes he couldn't get in himself, so I'd lift him up and lower him into the water. He'd pretend it didn't hurt, and we'd talk. He liked science, and I liked science fiction, so we made it work.

Being friends with Tim, I learned that nice boys from nice families, neighborhoods, and schools sometimes still suffered more than they should. I could help a little, but not enough.

When I was thirteen, I met a girl named Katie. She had a plan that I would be her boyfriend. We lived in different states and only met face-to-face a few times, but over the phone, we shared one of the world's great romances.

When I had just turned fourteen, they told me Katie had hung herself from the swingset she had played on as a child. She'd quit taking my calls. I had no warning.

Her mother told me, in the years to come, that those long nights on the phone might have been what kept Katie alive for so long. She didn't seem depressed or delusional to me when we talked. She could be a pretty serious kid, but I just assumed it was because she was so smart. Sometimes people just decide it’s time. I'll never know what happened to Katie. That's not even her real name.

Her mother and my mother tried to impress on me that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. I never believed them. I was a pretty beefy kid. At the very least, I could have torn down the swingset before she could do anything. If only I were around.

Throughout my life, people have tried to tell me that I took on too much, that I wasn't responsible for other people's suffering. I never once believed that. God made me the way I am. I wouldn't change it.

I’m not a big musical kind of guy, but I love Sondheim. Sometimes, his subject matter was a bit much for Mississippi, but for Sondheim, the libretto and the music are what matter. When he did Sweeney Todd, I got the CD.

There's a song in it that's very different from the rest of the show. A boy with a simple mind sings to a woman who was kind to him;

nothing's gonna harm you
not while im around
nothing's gonna harm you
no sir
not while im around
demons are prowling everywhere
nowadays
ill send 'em howling
i don't care, i got ways
no one's gonna hurt you
no one's gonna dare
others can desert you
not to worry, whistle,
il be there
demons'll charm you with a smile
for a while
but in time
nothing can harm you
not while im around
not to worry
not to worry
i may not be smart but I ain't dumb
i can do it
put me to it
show me somehing i can overcome
not to worry mum
being close and being clever
ain't like being true
i don't need to, i would never
hide a thing from you
like some